Crystallized

Fervently you speak to me with words from that which you most are. My ever working mind can’t stay still long enough to go places your mind has been it seems; my responses to those things you say when you speak of your love for me are like a child responding to an adult. I babble my nonsense and you take it as an acceptable exchange within such a mature conversation. It seems as though your heart pounded so hard for me the other night, I felt the blow of the pump from thirty miles away and I have to say, I’m still feeling the effects today. I’ve endured a beautiful beating, one out of love. The scope from which I view love is too narrow for your grandiose propositions of life linkage and time transcendent love. This, my dear, is scary. To be loved so hard that I’m paralyzed by it. Lying here crystallized by your confessions of what a beautiful love you have for me and how free you feel when you recognize that we are actually together, after all these years is frightening. Though I have it in me to love you just as hard, I never thought I would want to do it so soon. The moment my heart starts to harmonize with the fluttering of yours, my mind regulates the speed with skeptic and seemingly rational thoughts and just like that, it slows down. I’m letting myself be governed by my mind and because of that, my spirit has to suffer; to not experience loving someone to my full ability is a shame and I only have myself to blame for that. Know that in this moment, I love you more than I did the last, and so on. My love grows with each passing second and the rise is exhilarating. There ahead, beyond my personal struggle with experiencing reality as it really is, lies a future with you and I’d love to experience that. As I work on myself and making my mind quite long enough to wake up, the future inches it’s way into being the now; I will be ready when the time arrives. 

1/22/15